Attention Whore!

I've developed this finely tuned sense of anger whenever I undoubtedly come across attention whores. What the hell is with you people? Seriously, what happen as a child or adult that makes you think other people want to be spoon fed your bs, just so you get the oh's and ah's out of them??? I wish I could say "grow up" or "get a life," obviously you don't or can't do either, so I'll keep that piece of advise for the worthy. I will however, give you this piece, do you really want to see how much people care about you and your inconceivable notions? Do you really want to see who's buying your over abundance of pork bellies? I have a cure for you! Kill yourself, then you can see how much attention you get.  That way you save those who don't give a shit the headache and satisfy your insatiable appetite for stupidity at the SAME time. Snake you're being a dick, yes I can hear your thoughts, I'm special like that. Okay, so lets say that you were abused, neglected, lack the self esteem, confidence, courage or just plain buy into the necessities of facebook, twitter or any other social avenues that encourage this behavior. If any of the above describes you, call 1-900-whogivesashit, yes that's right, its a 900 number. You should be charged for being an idiot. I'm not here to fix you, only you and your sharpest razor blade can do that. I'm here to tell you, "I see you and will forever ignore you."

Where's the fine line?

I would like to take a moment to give thanks for allowing me the honor of expressing my deepest and darkest issues publicly. Although 3 followers hardly constitutes as "public" it still gives me a great feeling of satisfaction that those involved in this jablog will be able to read and criticize me.

I would like to bring up the subject of friends becoming more then just friends. Friends that wanna take it to the next level.

In our current time there are a lot more coed friendships. Now does this mean that people are more mature or more knowledgeable in that they understand where the fine line exist? For the sake of humanity, I would certainly love to hope so. Now this is my experience, meaning me, mine, myself and not others in my group, this has nothing to do with you, so please don't think the world revolves around you other then our lunches and our weekly hangout's to watch Jersey(fuck me in the ass) Shore. May I add that the only reason I allow the viewing of JS without complaint is cuz of the good food, drink and the delightful company.  With that combination we could watch two elephants hump for all I care.

Now if mixed sex friendships can exist on a strictly platonic level then a vast majority of married people wouldn't be telling single people to marry their best friend, but that's what has me going.  For argumentative sake lets say you should marry your best friend, then whats wrong with mixed sex friends getting it on with each other, without fear of criticism from others in the group or fear you may screw up the friendship. Well yes we do have to factor in jealousy and/or envy. To the friends that get jealous, pity them, but also be nice, after all they look up to you. Love is a beautiful thing and if you were to find it in a friend, even better, but don't be naive about it.  Don't let the fact that your single or that you haven't got any in a while be your sole motivation. Speaking again on my behalf, a majority of my friends throughout my adult life have been women, not that I hooked up with them, but I rather enjoyed their company. I was able to disconnect myself from them intimately. I was able to flirt, be the guy a girl can count on and things never got out of hand. I set a precedence for myself, I knew if I let anything go further, what the repercussions may be and unfortunately I never had a friend that was able to get me to my knees. Granted if things were to go more intimate, I can say temptation is a hard beast to resist, especially since your defenses are dropped, your insecurities go away and without a doubt your very comfortable with that person. I know some of you will speculate, that if one friend expresses to another a deeper emotion, then they would be potentially screwing up the friendship. Hey, guess what, fuck it, why order a salad when your craving a burger. Eventually your not only going to eat that burger, but I'm willing to bet you will have a large fry and a chocolate shake to go with it. Indulge now and get it out of the way. If your mature enough to be a good friend and give them advice when they are in need, then you should be able to express your deeper emotions without feeling you will fuck things up. I am not without heart, I understand that some friends may become concerned for both parties involved and may think they are looking out for them. I hate to say it, but no matter what advise you give, you will be the one they will blame, no matter the turnout. My message goes out to both sides of the coin, the friends who should stay the fuck out of it and the friends that have deeper emotions, get it on! Don't mess around, don't play, either do it or don't. I leave you with a great lyric rapped by a great and bulging of an artist Pitbull. I can't promise tomorrow, but I can promise tonight.

The Price Of Greatness

"The price of greatness is responsibility."
- Sir Winston Churchill

For my first proper post in 5 months, I felt that what I must do, not for myself, but for mankind, is to write an open letter to our Jablogger-in-chief, Jablogger. Jablogger has strayed from the blogging path over the last few months, and I felt that he should be informed that it is his duty to heed the words of the great Winston Churchill. Click below to continue...

and we're back

 
If there is a hell, a great percentage of America's senior citizens will find themselves there based on how they pawn themselves off as handicapped when in fact they are just old lazy fucks. When did handicap stop meaning "paralyzed, deaf, blind" and start meaning "slower than i was 20 years ago due to the natural phenomenon of aging, which everyone goes through by the way, so now my bastard self can get away with parking in spots meant for people who really need it"? Everyone slows down with age and that's fine, but no where else in the world do they get a custom shopping carts to take them from their couch to the kitchen to grab some more potato chips. There is a CLEAR line between lazy and handicapped and it should be respected.
If you're too lazy/old to walk 20 feet from a parking spot to your denture store, I sure as fuck don't want your ass driving a 2 ton piece of machinery on the same road as me. Take the bus, pay someone to drive you, or go to amazon.com.

Remember, Remember

The fifth of February.

On this day, in the year of our Lord, One Thousand Nine Hundred Seventy Nine, the Lord gazed upon the world he had created and proclaimed,

"Let there be... Jablogger"

Some might say it must have been a slow day. Not me though.

Happy Birthday to our Jablogger in Chief.

The Question Elicitor

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It really annoys me when people say or do something just so you can ask them a question, instead of just coming out and saying it, or at least asking you if it is ok if they vent their lame problems to you.

Example: Person 1 walks in, does an overly dramatic sigh.

Person 2, "What's wrong?"

Person 1, "Oh nothing, it's just that blah, blah, blah, etc. etc."

Person 2 (in their mind), "Fuck me, why did I ask?"

I figure they just want to tell you something, but they don't want it to seem like they are whining or bragging, depending on the circumstances, so they do this lameass deflection of a conversation starter. They might walk into a room and say, "What a shitty day". And we, like idiots, all feel some need, through social conditioning or whatever fucked up norms we are accustomed to, to pounce on this response with a "What's wrong?" or "Why do you say that?". I have never figured out why I am always a sucker for this. I say sucker because 99 out of 100 times, I wish I had never fell for this suicide inducing trap in the first place. What I have effectively done, is invited a conversation I am pretty sure I never wanted, all because I have been conditioned to bite at these conversational dog biscuits. It's even worse when they have follow up statements. At that point I have no idea how long I'm stuck in this mess, and once it's started I can't dismiss it because then I become the asshole. After all, I asked what the problem was. I get relegated to the role of conversation prolonger, throwing in a "uh huh" or "oh really", counting the moments until this verbal waterboarding is over.

I have tried to simply ignore this mental chess game, however, the only thing worse than sitting through an unwanted conversation is the awkwardness of the person repeating the process in order to get you to bite. The reason it's worse is because the person will give up on the statement and just come out and say what they wanted to in the first place, lameass deflections be damned. Better to just get it out of the way.

So for my sake, if you've got something to say, just say it. You know I'm going to listen, it's not like I have a choice in the matter.

Where have they gone?

We live in a world far more advanced than the one we grew up in. In the last 15 years we have gone from America Online Dial Up connection, that disconnected when a family member from overseas would call the house, to an era where you can browse the web while talking to your family member from overseas and at the same time downloading the new Jay-Z music video and keeping track of how many miles you have ran and how many calories you have lost, all on your cellphone. We live in an age where we have electric cars, little robot vacuum's that sense the dirt on the floor, chairs that give you a Swedish massage, TIVO and freaking laser eye surgery.

That all being said we have, as a society, severely digressed in one very important area... Cartoons. This morning I woke up and thought to myself "hmmm, it's Saturday, maybe I should re-live my childhood and tune in to some cartoons." As most of us late 20 year old and early 30 year old's remember, Saturday morning cartoons were the best. You had G.I. JOE, He-Man, Transformers and Voltron which would as a young boy breed your inner warrior. After watching those shows I would be all wired up ready to save the planet by killing any and all forces of evil. Then of course you had the ever inspiring trio of Duck Tales, Rescue Rangers and Tail Spin. By the time I would be finished watching those three I was ready to go to Africa and search for the hidden treasures of King Solomon. (Shout out to Smurfs, Dennis the Menace, Gummi Bears and my favorite Thunder Cats). Yet this morning to my shock and disappointment I was confronted by Dora the Explorer, Pokemon, Sponge Bob Square Pants and last but not least Tele Tubbies. What in the name of everything holly happened to cartoons? What are we feeding into our children's minds with these for the lack of better term retarded shows? Tele Tubbies will be giving me nightmares tonight...

The most surprising part of all this is that kids these days are more advanced than we were as children. They fill up places like Howie's Game shack, spend $4.50 on an energy drink and plug their minds into some online death match for seven hours. So the question is how is it possible that the same kids that grow up watching these lame cartoons turn to Halo and crazy first person shooter gamers while those of us who watched G.I. Joe ended up playing Tecmo Super Bowl or just would go outside in the fresh air and shoot a basketball?

After several minutes of contemplation I could only come up with one answer... It's a conspiracy. You see the more lame and retarded you make the cartoons you push the kids away from them. By pushing the kids away from the television (that the parents would pay the monthly bill on anyways) you are creating a market for video games, internet game software, more powerful computers, energy drinks and ADD pills. Case in point, when I go to Best Buy or Toys-R-Us this morning to buy my little one year old cousin a xmas gift what I am going to run into is a bunch of parents running around frantically fighting over the last new edition of Modern Warfare or Command and Conquer for their zombie look alike 13 year old who has had way too many red bull drinks for 10 am, who still doesn't like girls and who thinks John Madden is currently a great quarterback in the NFL because his name is on a video game.... So Sad.

So my solution, well I don't have one... or at least have not had time to contemplate yet. But for now I will resort to downloading my favorite cartoons from torrents and by the help of my friends connecting my computer to my television and to live stream an old G.I. Joe episode through a hub network from a torrent that was uploaded in India in a zip file... Oh my god I am turning into one of them.... FML.

P.S. Deadline met.