Is it too much to ask that a guy wash his hands after using the restroom? I don't consider myself a germophobe, per se, but I try to practice good hygiene. I don't think it's too much to ask the same of others, especially when the opportunity is in front of you. Especially when someone else is in the restroom with you, and can corroborate claims of your disgusting nature. I was the victim of a rather brazen attack today. I walked in to use the urinal, and saw that there was a gentleman using the stall (performing a number 2) next to me. I finish up before him, and I go to wash my hands, as I always do in a public restroom. There are two sinks, and as I was washing my hands, I thought that when he came to wash his hands, we would have one of those awkward moments in the office restroom, where you know the guy but you're not friends, and you're not really sure what to say, like "Hello" or "How's work?" or "Crazy weather, huh", or some other throwaway comment people make to other people they don't like because the comment, though lame, beats an awkward silence hands down. Most of the time, what you really want to say is "Jesus, what did you eat? Mustard gas?"
Anyway, as I was looking down to get the soap, homeboy up and walks out of the bathroom. I heard the door slam and thought, "Well clearly, someone else must have walked in, because Gentleman #1 has not used the sink yet". But I was wrong. Gentleman #1 performed a rather ungentlemanly act, and left the restroom after having touched himself in places I would rather not think of. I mean, using the urinal and bouncing (albeit just as annoying) is more commonplace, but this left me flabbergasted. Did he not see me? Did he think I wouldn't notice? Does my desire not to contract a disease matter? What's worse, is now I gotta go around looking for the dude with the brown shoes and wondering if he is touching the same door handles as I am. Is he a client? What if he wants to shake my hand? How the hell do I get around that? If he extends his hand, should I say, "No thanks. If I wanted to touch your genitals, I would buy you dinner first."? Yeah, that's what I'll say.
What am I saying, of course I won't. I'll shake his hand and spend the next few weeks at home with some variant of the swine flu because this inconsiderate person didn't wash his hands, and I was too chicken to call him out on it. Take note, America, wash your hands after using the restroom. The life you save could be mine.
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