The Great Bluetooth Bamboozle

I want to see a report chronicling the effect that the laws concerning using your cell phone in the car have had on the drivers of California. We haven't been able to talk on the phone (without a handsfree headset or device) or text message for quite some time now. I bet there hasn't been much of an effect, and I would also bet that we were just the pawns in a massive chess game perpetrated by the Bluetooth lobby of California. They outlaw holding the phone to your ear in the car, and Bluetooth sales go up. Then bluetooth sales stagnate for a bit, after people decide, "screw this, I'll just text people instead", so they outlaw that too.

Somewhere along the line, I bet the huge Bluetooth conglomerates got together and decided that they needed to expand their target markets. "No more can the future of our companies rely on sales limited to attention whores and douchebags," some insightful executive must have said. "How shall we make it so that the commoner will buy our product, and in effect, become the very douchebag he hath loathed for lo these many years?" he pondered. (In my mind, the Bluetooth lobby meetings take place in a Shakespearean play, apparently). "Eureka!" he exclaims. "We shall scare the masses, make them believe that actually holding one's device to one's ear makes it dangerous!" (forget the act of having a conversation as a distraction). And so, the scare tactic worked, they got their lobby to get Schwarzenegger to pass the bill, and I'm out 50 bucks on a headset that makes me look like an also-ran in a "Real Douchebags of Orange County" contest.

But wait, another exec would counter with "But m' lord, what about those that doth text whilst operating their motorcars?".

"Ne'er you worry" he counters, "We shall strike down thy texting privileges as well".

And there you have it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to put my phone on speakerphone and hold it near my face while I am driving. That way if a cop rolls by I can drop the phone to my lap but still continue my conversation. Some might say I doth protest too much.

reverse-bump

 
Pretty self explanatory, so uh, yeah...

My Apple Beefs

If you know me, you know I love Apple. After years of being blinded by the window, seeing the iPhone made me switch, and so far, I haven't looked back. Windows 7 won't change that either. It's not even close. Having said that (sorry Larry David), I do have some Apple beefs:

• Lack of Mail features and Slow Mail Updates
  We all know that Snow Leopard was not a feature upgrade, but was mainly for under-the-hood changes to help future iterations of OS X. One area where I was hoping Apple would make a major exception is in the Mail application. Mail is an integral part of everyone's daily computer use and having an application that cannot easily compete with Microsoft's paid offering is unacceptable. Features such as previewing mail vertically and being able to send email at a set time should have been added a long time ago. I understand that Exchange throughout Mail, Address Book, and Calendar was a huge new feature, but to all of us not using Exchange, that upgrade is meaningless. Apple needs to either have a business centric mail as part of iWork or consider updating Mail more regularly and not just with each OS upgrade. Mail is just too important.
  
  
• iPhone/MobileMe OTA sync with Notes/Tasks
  For $99/year, it is very odd that Apple does not allow iPhone users to sync over the air with Notes and Tasks. You can sync notes locally, but there is no way to sync tasks at all. Why is this? It seems like Apple is adding these feature check marks in each version of the iPhone, with an entire strategy organizing strategy. This should have been done a long time ago, especially for a paid service.
  
  
• Installing & Uninstalling
  Another area where Microsoft shines slightly brighter is the installation and uninstallation of programs. Yes, you can just drag and drop a program in Applications, but which ones? Some have you install, some have you drag and drop, and some even install in your preferences pane and not in the applications folder. There should be one consistent way of adding and removing programs. Additionally, once you have decided to delete a program, you don't know with 100% confidence if there is an uninstaller (take Adobe for example) or if you can drag and drop the program into the Trash. It's even worse with Preference Pane programs. Even if you can drag the program into the Trash, it still leaves items behind in your personal or system wide library. There are 3rd party utilities like AppZapper, but there should be a built-in program to delete the remnants that programs leave behind. Apple is about simplicity and consistency, but there is nothing consistent about the process of adding and removing programs.
  
  
• Monitors not updated? LED monitor $899?
  The monitor issue is very frustrating. Apple's Cinema Displays have not been updated in 4 years. Last year, Apple added the 24" LED monitor to its lineup. Even at that time, the $899 price tag was ridiculous, and now with 22" LED monitors going in the 200s, Apple's monitor is seriously overpriced. You can argue the built-in iSight and speakers, but there is nothing in this monitor that justifies its $899 price. At first, this monitor was designed for the MacBook Pro family with the mini display ports. However, now that there are adapters and Mac Pro's with display port built-in, Apple still ships the monitor with a short cable. Did you just buy a $900 monitor and have your $3,000 computer under your desk? Too bad, you're stuck with your old monitor since your cable is too short. Apple should immediately drop the price of this monitor and ship it with regular length cables so that Mac Pro users, (the big money spenders) can at least use their top of the line monitor.
  
  
• Magic Mouse
  At first, the Magic Mouse seemed like a big step back for Apple. Yes, it had a cool touch technology. Yes, it looked sleek, but it was missing a key feature that even the terrible Mighty Mouse (now call the Apple Mouse) had. You could squeeze the mouse and go into Expose or you could push down on the entire mouse and go to Dashboard. These features are no longer present (by default) in the Magic Mouse. Expose is a vital part of navigating in OX X. I really hope (and, like 4 finger gesture on older MacBook Pros), I think Apple will add this feature in a future update. My hope is that a deadline to get the software out before the iMac's were introduced was the culprit. How about a 3 finger swipe down for Expose and a 3 finger swipe up for Desktop view?
  
  
• Screen Sharing App
  An application I often use locally and through MobileMe is Screen Sharing. The app launches and works fine, but the problem is the terrible feature set. There isn't a true full screen mode, I cannot drag and drop between the computers, and copying and pasting is not seamless. To make matters worse, the hidden features were removed in Snow Leopard. When not on the local network, Screen Sharing will not replace LogMeIn anytime soon, but I wish it could. Having the ability to use a screen sharing program with at least some power user features would be very helpful. Also, how about an iPhone app for MobileMe users, much like LogMeIn Ignition? I'll pay for it. Note: purchasing Apple Remote Desktop is not an alternative.
  

As a bonus, for those of you that want to use Camino as your main browser, I can recommend it, but with a large caveat. The program has a major memory leak (at least for me) and can cause the system to use over 1 gigabyte of memory while in use. You will notice slowness in your browsing and if you want to watch Flash videos… Good Luck.

Screenshot:

The Restroom Agreement

Is it too much to ask that a guy wash his hands after using the restroom? I don't consider myself a germophobe, per se, but I try to practice good hygiene. I don't think it's too much to ask the same of others, especially when the opportunity is in front of you. Especially when someone else is in the restroom with you, and can corroborate claims of your disgusting nature. I was the victim of a rather brazen attack today. I walked in to use the urinal, and saw that there was a gentleman using the stall (performing a number 2) next to me. I finish up before him, and I go to wash my hands, as I always do in a public restroom. There are two sinks, and as I was washing my hands, I thought that when he came to wash his hands, we would have one of those awkward moments in the office restroom, where you know the guy but you're not friends, and you're not really sure what to say, like "Hello" or "How's work?" or "Crazy weather, huh", or some other throwaway comment people make to other people they don't like because the comment, though lame, beats an awkward silence hands down. Most of the time, what you really want to say is "Jesus, what did you eat? Mustard gas?"

Anyway, as I was looking down to get the soap, homeboy up and walks out of the bathroom. I heard the door slam and thought, "Well clearly, someone else must have walked in, because Gentleman #1 has not used the sink yet". But I was wrong. Gentleman #1 performed a rather ungentlemanly act, and left the restroom after having touched himself in places I would rather not think of. I mean, using the urinal and bouncing (albeit just as annoying) is more commonplace, but this left me flabbergasted. Did he not see me? Did he think I wouldn't notice? Does my desire not to contract a disease matter? What's worse, is now I gotta go around looking for the dude with the brown shoes and wondering if he is touching the same door handles as I am. Is he a client? What if he wants to shake my hand? How the hell do I get around that? If he extends his hand, should I say, "No thanks. If I wanted to touch your genitals, I would buy you dinner first."? Yeah, that's what I'll say.

What am I saying, of course I won't. I'll shake his hand and spend the next few weeks at home with some variant of the swine flu because this inconsiderate person didn't wash his hands, and I was too chicken to call him out on it. Take note, America, wash your hands after using the restroom. The life you save could be mine.

next year's JaMacD bbq game plan

  
more food, less drinks.
way, way less drinks...

turkey weekend thoughts

 
- Thanksgiving is easily the best holiday of the year, food, football and a 4 day weekend, what more could you want? Although it was a lot better when we played our own football game without having to worrying about how much time from work we’d miss if we got hurt, or if our medical insurance is up to date. Now that’s a thing of the past, we are old, paranoid and pathetic. The one thing we are not as of yet is ball-less, despite the best efforts of those who want to make us that by suggesting we play flag football. Flag football…just the words make me gag. Playing with flags rids football of its two greatest attributes: 1) the physical nature of the game, which makes the game a non-big guy friendly event. We already have enough sports that 95lb speedy Somalians are good at. 2) the fact that football gives us the freedom and opportunity to hit the friends we might like a little less than the others. Ya, I said it.

- Watching regular season NBA is just torture. Thanks to the NFL’s capitalistic whoring way of showing some games exclusively on the NFL network (a channel only available to direct-TV customers, which of course the family we visit for thanksgiving is not) I was left with no viable alternatives to plead with the jackass holding the control to change the channel to. Id honestly rather sit and watch the WE network or oxygen with my mom than sit through a regular season NBA game. Playoffs are pretty boring too because you know who’s gonna win the series 95% of the time, but at least during the playoffs you can convince yourself the games somehow matter. The playoffs also mean the season is almost over, which is about as welcome as a party invitation to playboy mansion (hef, I know you’re reading this you old bastard…address the invite to Jablogger and Monster, we’re waiting). I can’t really blame the players though, if I had 82 games to play and half the teams were making the playoffs I wouldn’t give a shit either. But even as a player I still wouldn’t watch regular season NBA, seriously.

- And on this holiday weekend, on behalf of Monster and myself, I’d like to say that we are both very thankful for our health, family, friends, but most of all, we are eternally thankful for JaMacD’s Saturday BBQ bash. Never before has a golden brown turkey with all the amazing side dishes and trimmings sat in front of me while the thought “this is going to be the 2nd best meal of the weekend” ran through my mind. Long live JacMacD, his grill, and his vitally important yet majorly underrated sous-chef TDM.

The Mathematically Challenged Cashier

I have a tip for the retailers of America, and across the world, especially with the holiday season descending upon us, whereby you may need some more cashiers. Make this one of your prerequisites to hiring for the job: must be able to count.

I was recently in front of a cashier, I won't mention the establishment, because frankly it doesn't matter, this happens everywhere. The cashier told me that my total was $7.92. Wanting to get rid of some loose change in my pocket, I handed the young man a ten dollar bill, three one dollar bills, a dime, a nickel, and two pennies ($13.17). He handed me back everything but the ten dollar bill, then made change for it, handing me 2 one dollar bills, a nickel, and 3 pennies. If the combination of disbelief and outrage has a face, I was wearing it at that moment.

If you can't figure out why I'm outraged, you're probably a cashier.

So now, I leave the establishment not with the 1 five dollar bill and 1 quarter, as I had so intelligently anticipated, but rather, with 5 one dollar bills, a dime, two nickels, and 5 pennies. I was in such shock I couldn't even muster the courage to ask him to change it for me. I instead left the establishment with my tail between my legs, and one shattered sense of reality. What the hell am I going to use all these coins for? A vending machine? Vending machines haven't taken pennies in 50 years.

This made me think of our public school system, which has now become evident to me is grossly underfunded. This should not happen in this country. This kid should have had a better mathematical upbringing. This kid, it seems, was at least one child that was left behind. And the consequence? Me, walking to my car, contemplating the very existence of life itself, to the soundtrack of the dancing coins in my pocket.

Consequently, if any of you need change for a 5, now is the time to ask.