Listen, I understand every parent thinks their kid is the cutest thing in the world and I understand their innate need to share that cuteness with every person they encounter through every imaginable median, but here’s the thing: the cuteness does NOT translate over the phone. In fact, the cuteness metamorphosizes into an episode of endless pointless frustration that has been known to induce self mutilating behavior. I’m pretty sure this was one of the controversial methods used at Gitmo to get info from prisoners.
I can’t see your damn kid being cute over the phone, all I can do is hear what seems to be a muffled mixture of words and drool as I count the minutes till you decide to take mercy on my soul by finally taking the phone away from him and ask me how precious he is in hopes that my answer doesn’t encourage you to give him back the phone. Stop it stop it stop it! Send me pictures, show me videos, endlessly talk my ear off about them, you can even bring your spawn over to my house and make me change it's diapers; just don’t put them on the phone with me.
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