The Question Elicitor

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It really annoys me when people say or do something just so you can ask them a question, instead of just coming out and saying it, or at least asking you if it is ok if they vent their lame problems to you.

Example: Person 1 walks in, does an overly dramatic sigh.

Person 2, "What's wrong?"

Person 1, "Oh nothing, it's just that blah, blah, blah, etc. etc."

Person 2 (in their mind), "Fuck me, why did I ask?"

I figure they just want to tell you something, but they don't want it to seem like they are whining or bragging, depending on the circumstances, so they do this lameass deflection of a conversation starter. They might walk into a room and say, "What a shitty day". And we, like idiots, all feel some need, through social conditioning or whatever fucked up norms we are accustomed to, to pounce on this response with a "What's wrong?" or "Why do you say that?". I have never figured out why I am always a sucker for this. I say sucker because 99 out of 100 times, I wish I had never fell for this suicide inducing trap in the first place. What I have effectively done, is invited a conversation I am pretty sure I never wanted, all because I have been conditioned to bite at these conversational dog biscuits. It's even worse when they have follow up statements. At that point I have no idea how long I'm stuck in this mess, and once it's started I can't dismiss it because then I become the asshole. After all, I asked what the problem was. I get relegated to the role of conversation prolonger, throwing in a "uh huh" or "oh really", counting the moments until this verbal waterboarding is over.

I have tried to simply ignore this mental chess game, however, the only thing worse than sitting through an unwanted conversation is the awkwardness of the person repeating the process in order to get you to bite. The reason it's worse is because the person will give up on the statement and just come out and say what they wanted to in the first place, lameass deflections be damned. Better to just get it out of the way.

So for my sake, if you've got something to say, just say it. You know I'm going to listen, it's not like I have a choice in the matter.

Where have they gone?

We live in a world far more advanced than the one we grew up in. In the last 15 years we have gone from America Online Dial Up connection, that disconnected when a family member from overseas would call the house, to an era where you can browse the web while talking to your family member from overseas and at the same time downloading the new Jay-Z music video and keeping track of how many miles you have ran and how many calories you have lost, all on your cellphone. We live in an age where we have electric cars, little robot vacuum's that sense the dirt on the floor, chairs that give you a Swedish massage, TIVO and freaking laser eye surgery.

That all being said we have, as a society, severely digressed in one very important area... Cartoons. This morning I woke up and thought to myself "hmmm, it's Saturday, maybe I should re-live my childhood and tune in to some cartoons." As most of us late 20 year old and early 30 year old's remember, Saturday morning cartoons were the best. You had G.I. JOE, He-Man, Transformers and Voltron which would as a young boy breed your inner warrior. After watching those shows I would be all wired up ready to save the planet by killing any and all forces of evil. Then of course you had the ever inspiring trio of Duck Tales, Rescue Rangers and Tail Spin. By the time I would be finished watching those three I was ready to go to Africa and search for the hidden treasures of King Solomon. (Shout out to Smurfs, Dennis the Menace, Gummi Bears and my favorite Thunder Cats). Yet this morning to my shock and disappointment I was confronted by Dora the Explorer, Pokemon, Sponge Bob Square Pants and last but not least Tele Tubbies. What in the name of everything holly happened to cartoons? What are we feeding into our children's minds with these for the lack of better term retarded shows? Tele Tubbies will be giving me nightmares tonight...

The most surprising part of all this is that kids these days are more advanced than we were as children. They fill up places like Howie's Game shack, spend $4.50 on an energy drink and plug their minds into some online death match for seven hours. So the question is how is it possible that the same kids that grow up watching these lame cartoons turn to Halo and crazy first person shooter gamers while those of us who watched G.I. Joe ended up playing Tecmo Super Bowl or just would go outside in the fresh air and shoot a basketball?

After several minutes of contemplation I could only come up with one answer... It's a conspiracy. You see the more lame and retarded you make the cartoons you push the kids away from them. By pushing the kids away from the television (that the parents would pay the monthly bill on anyways) you are creating a market for video games, internet game software, more powerful computers, energy drinks and ADD pills. Case in point, when I go to Best Buy or Toys-R-Us this morning to buy my little one year old cousin a xmas gift what I am going to run into is a bunch of parents running around frantically fighting over the last new edition of Modern Warfare or Command and Conquer for their zombie look alike 13 year old who has had way too many red bull drinks for 10 am, who still doesn't like girls and who thinks John Madden is currently a great quarterback in the NFL because his name is on a video game.... So Sad.

So my solution, well I don't have one... or at least have not had time to contemplate yet. But for now I will resort to downloading my favorite cartoons from torrents and by the help of my friends connecting my computer to my television and to live stream an old G.I. Joe episode through a hub network from a torrent that was uploaded in India in a zip file... Oh my god I am turning into one of them.... FML.

P.S. Deadline met.

The Great Bluetooth Bamboozle

I want to see a report chronicling the effect that the laws concerning using your cell phone in the car have had on the drivers of California. We haven't been able to talk on the phone (without a handsfree headset or device) or text message for quite some time now. I bet there hasn't been much of an effect, and I would also bet that we were just the pawns in a massive chess game perpetrated by the Bluetooth lobby of California. They outlaw holding the phone to your ear in the car, and Bluetooth sales go up. Then bluetooth sales stagnate for a bit, after people decide, "screw this, I'll just text people instead", so they outlaw that too.

Somewhere along the line, I bet the huge Bluetooth conglomerates got together and decided that they needed to expand their target markets. "No more can the future of our companies rely on sales limited to attention whores and douchebags," some insightful executive must have said. "How shall we make it so that the commoner will buy our product, and in effect, become the very douchebag he hath loathed for lo these many years?" he pondered. (In my mind, the Bluetooth lobby meetings take place in a Shakespearean play, apparently). "Eureka!" he exclaims. "We shall scare the masses, make them believe that actually holding one's device to one's ear makes it dangerous!" (forget the act of having a conversation as a distraction). And so, the scare tactic worked, they got their lobby to get Schwarzenegger to pass the bill, and I'm out 50 bucks on a headset that makes me look like an also-ran in a "Real Douchebags of Orange County" contest.

But wait, another exec would counter with "But m' lord, what about those that doth text whilst operating their motorcars?".

"Ne'er you worry" he counters, "We shall strike down thy texting privileges as well".

And there you have it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to put my phone on speakerphone and hold it near my face while I am driving. That way if a cop rolls by I can drop the phone to my lap but still continue my conversation. Some might say I doth protest too much.

reverse-bump

 
Pretty self explanatory, so uh, yeah...

My Apple Beefs

If you know me, you know I love Apple. After years of being blinded by the window, seeing the iPhone made me switch, and so far, I haven't looked back. Windows 7 won't change that either. It's not even close. Having said that (sorry Larry David), I do have some Apple beefs:

• Lack of Mail features and Slow Mail Updates
  We all know that Snow Leopard was not a feature upgrade, but was mainly for under-the-hood changes to help future iterations of OS X. One area where I was hoping Apple would make a major exception is in the Mail application. Mail is an integral part of everyone's daily computer use and having an application that cannot easily compete with Microsoft's paid offering is unacceptable. Features such as previewing mail vertically and being able to send email at a set time should have been added a long time ago. I understand that Exchange throughout Mail, Address Book, and Calendar was a huge new feature, but to all of us not using Exchange, that upgrade is meaningless. Apple needs to either have a business centric mail as part of iWork or consider updating Mail more regularly and not just with each OS upgrade. Mail is just too important.
  
  
• iPhone/MobileMe OTA sync with Notes/Tasks
  For $99/year, it is very odd that Apple does not allow iPhone users to sync over the air with Notes and Tasks. You can sync notes locally, but there is no way to sync tasks at all. Why is this? It seems like Apple is adding these feature check marks in each version of the iPhone, with an entire strategy organizing strategy. This should have been done a long time ago, especially for a paid service.
  
  
• Installing & Uninstalling
  Another area where Microsoft shines slightly brighter is the installation and uninstallation of programs. Yes, you can just drag and drop a program in Applications, but which ones? Some have you install, some have you drag and drop, and some even install in your preferences pane and not in the applications folder. There should be one consistent way of adding and removing programs. Additionally, once you have decided to delete a program, you don't know with 100% confidence if there is an uninstaller (take Adobe for example) or if you can drag and drop the program into the Trash. It's even worse with Preference Pane programs. Even if you can drag the program into the Trash, it still leaves items behind in your personal or system wide library. There are 3rd party utilities like AppZapper, but there should be a built-in program to delete the remnants that programs leave behind. Apple is about simplicity and consistency, but there is nothing consistent about the process of adding and removing programs.
  
  
• Monitors not updated? LED monitor $899?
  The monitor issue is very frustrating. Apple's Cinema Displays have not been updated in 4 years. Last year, Apple added the 24" LED monitor to its lineup. Even at that time, the $899 price tag was ridiculous, and now with 22" LED monitors going in the 200s, Apple's monitor is seriously overpriced. You can argue the built-in iSight and speakers, but there is nothing in this monitor that justifies its $899 price. At first, this monitor was designed for the MacBook Pro family with the mini display ports. However, now that there are adapters and Mac Pro's with display port built-in, Apple still ships the monitor with a short cable. Did you just buy a $900 monitor and have your $3,000 computer under your desk? Too bad, you're stuck with your old monitor since your cable is too short. Apple should immediately drop the price of this monitor and ship it with regular length cables so that Mac Pro users, (the big money spenders) can at least use their top of the line monitor.
  
  
• Magic Mouse
  At first, the Magic Mouse seemed like a big step back for Apple. Yes, it had a cool touch technology. Yes, it looked sleek, but it was missing a key feature that even the terrible Mighty Mouse (now call the Apple Mouse) had. You could squeeze the mouse and go into Expose or you could push down on the entire mouse and go to Dashboard. These features are no longer present (by default) in the Magic Mouse. Expose is a vital part of navigating in OX X. I really hope (and, like 4 finger gesture on older MacBook Pros), I think Apple will add this feature in a future update. My hope is that a deadline to get the software out before the iMac's were introduced was the culprit. How about a 3 finger swipe down for Expose and a 3 finger swipe up for Desktop view?
  
  
• Screen Sharing App
  An application I often use locally and through MobileMe is Screen Sharing. The app launches and works fine, but the problem is the terrible feature set. There isn't a true full screen mode, I cannot drag and drop between the computers, and copying and pasting is not seamless. To make matters worse, the hidden features were removed in Snow Leopard. When not on the local network, Screen Sharing will not replace LogMeIn anytime soon, but I wish it could. Having the ability to use a screen sharing program with at least some power user features would be very helpful. Also, how about an iPhone app for MobileMe users, much like LogMeIn Ignition? I'll pay for it. Note: purchasing Apple Remote Desktop is not an alternative.
  

As a bonus, for those of you that want to use Camino as your main browser, I can recommend it, but with a large caveat. The program has a major memory leak (at least for me) and can cause the system to use over 1 gigabyte of memory while in use. You will notice slowness in your browsing and if you want to watch Flash videos… Good Luck.

Screenshot:

The Restroom Agreement

Is it too much to ask that a guy wash his hands after using the restroom? I don't consider myself a germophobe, per se, but I try to practice good hygiene. I don't think it's too much to ask the same of others, especially when the opportunity is in front of you. Especially when someone else is in the restroom with you, and can corroborate claims of your disgusting nature. I was the victim of a rather brazen attack today. I walked in to use the urinal, and saw that there was a gentleman using the stall (performing a number 2) next to me. I finish up before him, and I go to wash my hands, as I always do in a public restroom. There are two sinks, and as I was washing my hands, I thought that when he came to wash his hands, we would have one of those awkward moments in the office restroom, where you know the guy but you're not friends, and you're not really sure what to say, like "Hello" or "How's work?" or "Crazy weather, huh", or some other throwaway comment people make to other people they don't like because the comment, though lame, beats an awkward silence hands down. Most of the time, what you really want to say is "Jesus, what did you eat? Mustard gas?"

Anyway, as I was looking down to get the soap, homeboy up and walks out of the bathroom. I heard the door slam and thought, "Well clearly, someone else must have walked in, because Gentleman #1 has not used the sink yet". But I was wrong. Gentleman #1 performed a rather ungentlemanly act, and left the restroom after having touched himself in places I would rather not think of. I mean, using the urinal and bouncing (albeit just as annoying) is more commonplace, but this left me flabbergasted. Did he not see me? Did he think I wouldn't notice? Does my desire not to contract a disease matter? What's worse, is now I gotta go around looking for the dude with the brown shoes and wondering if he is touching the same door handles as I am. Is he a client? What if he wants to shake my hand? How the hell do I get around that? If he extends his hand, should I say, "No thanks. If I wanted to touch your genitals, I would buy you dinner first."? Yeah, that's what I'll say.

What am I saying, of course I won't. I'll shake his hand and spend the next few weeks at home with some variant of the swine flu because this inconsiderate person didn't wash his hands, and I was too chicken to call him out on it. Take note, America, wash your hands after using the restroom. The life you save could be mine.

next year's JaMacD bbq game plan

  
more food, less drinks.
way, way less drinks...

turkey weekend thoughts

 
- Thanksgiving is easily the best holiday of the year, food, football and a 4 day weekend, what more could you want? Although it was a lot better when we played our own football game without having to worrying about how much time from work we’d miss if we got hurt, or if our medical insurance is up to date. Now that’s a thing of the past, we are old, paranoid and pathetic. The one thing we are not as of yet is ball-less, despite the best efforts of those who want to make us that by suggesting we play flag football. Flag football…just the words make me gag. Playing with flags rids football of its two greatest attributes: 1) the physical nature of the game, which makes the game a non-big guy friendly event. We already have enough sports that 95lb speedy Somalians are good at. 2) the fact that football gives us the freedom and opportunity to hit the friends we might like a little less than the others. Ya, I said it.

- Watching regular season NBA is just torture. Thanks to the NFL’s capitalistic whoring way of showing some games exclusively on the NFL network (a channel only available to direct-TV customers, which of course the family we visit for thanksgiving is not) I was left with no viable alternatives to plead with the jackass holding the control to change the channel to. Id honestly rather sit and watch the WE network or oxygen with my mom than sit through a regular season NBA game. Playoffs are pretty boring too because you know who’s gonna win the series 95% of the time, but at least during the playoffs you can convince yourself the games somehow matter. The playoffs also mean the season is almost over, which is about as welcome as a party invitation to playboy mansion (hef, I know you’re reading this you old bastard…address the invite to Jablogger and Monster, we’re waiting). I can’t really blame the players though, if I had 82 games to play and half the teams were making the playoffs I wouldn’t give a shit either. But even as a player I still wouldn’t watch regular season NBA, seriously.

- And on this holiday weekend, on behalf of Monster and myself, I’d like to say that we are both very thankful for our health, family, friends, but most of all, we are eternally thankful for JaMacD’s Saturday BBQ bash. Never before has a golden brown turkey with all the amazing side dishes and trimmings sat in front of me while the thought “this is going to be the 2nd best meal of the weekend” ran through my mind. Long live JacMacD, his grill, and his vitally important yet majorly underrated sous-chef TDM.

The Mathematically Challenged Cashier

I have a tip for the retailers of America, and across the world, especially with the holiday season descending upon us, whereby you may need some more cashiers. Make this one of your prerequisites to hiring for the job: must be able to count.

I was recently in front of a cashier, I won't mention the establishment, because frankly it doesn't matter, this happens everywhere. The cashier told me that my total was $7.92. Wanting to get rid of some loose change in my pocket, I handed the young man a ten dollar bill, three one dollar bills, a dime, a nickel, and two pennies ($13.17). He handed me back everything but the ten dollar bill, then made change for it, handing me 2 one dollar bills, a nickel, and 3 pennies. If the combination of disbelief and outrage has a face, I was wearing it at that moment.

If you can't figure out why I'm outraged, you're probably a cashier.

So now, I leave the establishment not with the 1 five dollar bill and 1 quarter, as I had so intelligently anticipated, but rather, with 5 one dollar bills, a dime, two nickels, and 5 pennies. I was in such shock I couldn't even muster the courage to ask him to change it for me. I instead left the establishment with my tail between my legs, and one shattered sense of reality. What the hell am I going to use all these coins for? A vending machine? Vending machines haven't taken pennies in 50 years.

This made me think of our public school system, which has now become evident to me is grossly underfunded. This should not happen in this country. This kid should have had a better mathematical upbringing. This kid, it seems, was at least one child that was left behind. And the consequence? Me, walking to my car, contemplating the very existence of life itself, to the soundtrack of the dancing coins in my pocket.

Consequently, if any of you need change for a 5, now is the time to ask.

new rule for new parents

At no point during a telephone conversation is it okay for you to hand the phone to your offspring and have them “talk” to me. Ever!

Listen, I understand every parent thinks their kid is the cutest thing in the world and I understand their innate need to share that cuteness with every person they encounter through every imaginable median, but here’s the thing: the cuteness does NOT translate over the phone. In fact, the cuteness metamorphosizes into an episode of endless pointless frustration that has been known to induce self mutilating behavior. I’m pretty sure this was one of the controversial methods used at Gitmo to get info from prisoners.
I can’t see your damn kid being cute over the phone, all I can do is hear what seems to be a muffled mixture of words and drool as I count the minutes till you decide to take mercy on my soul by finally taking the phone away from him and ask me how precious he is in hopes that my answer doesn’t encourage you to give him back the phone. Stop it stop it stop it! Send me pictures, show me videos, endlessly talk my ear off about them, you can even bring your spawn over to my house and make me change it's diapers; just don’t put them on the phone with me.

NBA Beefs and Musings

• How is Gerald Wallace leading the league in rebounds?
• We need the refs to stop calling BS charges. Stern needs to put his foot down on this one. Give the offensive player the benefit of the doubt.
• The NBA does not need to expand anymore, it needs to retract. Has there been any teams worse than the current Nets or Kings? Me, Jablogger, and Monster could be starters.
• Carmelo looks in shape and ready to play. Too bad his team is not championship caliber. Coupled with one of the most overrated coaches this league has seen and bad attitudes, the team will go nowhere.
• Kobe is looking fresh and ready to play. I wonder if he has 82 games in him, plus the playoffs. As Bill Simmons says, 1,000+ games, you start to lose it. Kobe is trying to prove him wrong.
• The Bulls have a nice young nucleus with Rose leading the way. A nice addition or two in the summer of 2010 will go a long way.
• Iverson is a quitter. 2 GAMES in and he quits? Nice.
• Jordan is one of the worst GMs in the history of the league. Less golf, more GM'ing please. (Isiah keeps Jordan from being the worst.)
• Chad Ford of ESPN said he's sorry to Laker fans because it's the Magic's year this year. Look at this guys history, he's almost always wrong. Barring a major injury or multiple key injuries, I will change my name to Jablogger's choosing if the Lakers do not win it all! It is inevitable. On a side note, Boston is looking great. Their D is perfect, the signings of Wallace and Marquis Daniels looks good. KG is a concern since he is REALLY slowing down. He may need to take some games off. The guy is running on one leg out there and still has 2 years and 40 million left on his deal, not including this year. (I hope I'm wrong, but I REALLY doubt it)
• Did you know who the highest paid player in the NBA is? Tracy McGrady, who hasn't done anything in years. He'll be the biggest cap room trade chip in the league and NY will fight to get him. Maybe the Bulls can get in the mix as well.
• What's happening in New Orleans is horrendous. Why did they trade for Okafor again? Killing your future cap space for someone who can potentially score a couple of more points a game than Chandler? What a horrible trade. Boston is also looking like geniuses for not overpaying for Posey. Nice move Ainge. Chris Paul is counting the seconds until 2012 when he can bolt.
• The Suns are looking good early. Shaq leaves and they're playing better. Shaq goes to Cleveland and they're playing worse. We all know Shaq is built for the playoffs. We really can't pass judgement until then. It'll only matter is Lebron leaves or stays.
• Tweet to Don Nelson. Your team sucks and is in disarray. Just play Randolph more. That's all anyone wants from you and you can't even do that.
• If a team gives Amare a max contract in 2010, I will let Monster choose a name for me. I don't see how anyone who has seen Amare play can say that he's a max player. David West type money sounds about right. 8 million/year.
• Why you don't bet Jablogger when he looks confident. (you can see it in his eyes): Chris Kaman is the western conference player of the week. (Noah did have a 12/21 game on Tuesday)
• Go to Chicago Lebron!
• Bonus: I still can't believe the Lakers got Gasol.

The "Sir" Charade

When did the term "Sir" become a disparaging remark? I've noticed that over time, the term has become an increasingly easy way for someone to express their distaste or insult you while being as polite as possible. Some examples include, "Sir, it's your turn", or "Sir, you are holding up the line", or even "Can I help you, Sir?". The really irate subject will give you a "Sir" sandwich, as in "Sir, you're making a scene, Sir". This is modeled after the military, where a "Sir, yes, Sir" is the affirmative response, but I wouldn't take that as a sign of respect, the soldier is only speaking that way because he is terrified.

There are only three instances I can think of where you are pretty much ok, and that is the "Thank you (or You're welcome), Sir", the "I'm sorry, Sir", and the "Excuse me, Sir". But even those can be insulting if the intonation of speech is compromised. Even people who start a letter with "Dear Sir/Madam" might be only doing so because they figured your name wasn't important enough to figure out beforehand.

The word "Sir" was intended to refer to someone of superior rank or age, as in a Knight or some other type of nobleman. A way to express that the person speaking it was voluntarily subjugating themselves out of respect. Now, it's become a polite way of telling you to go fuck yourself.

remember remember

the 5th of November...

The Driving Thank You Wave

Over the last decade, fewer and fewer people are giving me the let me in your lane thank you wave. If I'm going to brake, wave you in, and let you go in front of me, the least you can do is give me a wave. I'm not asking for a triple or even a double shake wave. I could go as far as to say I don't even want a single shake wave. Just stick your hand up and give me some sort of acknowledgment for my selfless act of letting you in. Would that hurt? Would it cause you too much trouble to say thank you? The next time I speed up, don't complain.

While I'm on the subject, if you let me in and I give YOU the thank you wave, give me the car version of a "nod of approval" thank you. Put your hand on the steering wheel, stick your four fingers up, and give me an acknowledgment. I'm not asking anyone to stick their heads out of the window, just a simple acknowledgment will go a long way.

If you're not a thank you wave kind of person, don't expect me to let you in!

google wins at halloween

our non-celeb obsession

Why do so many people give a shit about John Gosselin? Really, what's wrong with you people? The media can't get enough of him, always talkin about who he's dating, where he's been sited, what a bad boy he’s become... it makes me sick. I had to wiki his ass a month or two ago just to figure out who the hell he was, and I'm not gonna lie, I was very proud of myself for not knowing about him after I realized what a tool he is and what he's famous for. Compared to him, Paris Hilton is totally worthy of her celebrity; at least she blew some dude on a night vision video camera for the world to see.
You people need to stop giving a crap about people who not only shouldn’t be famous but probably shouldn’t be allowed to breath from our air supply, and I need to get me a night vision video camera.

The Drive-Thru Obligation

There are certain truths in life, certain ways of doing things. These are things that you do not do because you have to, maybe not because you want to, but because you have a certain obligation as a human being. You have an obligation as a sentient, opposable-thumbed, capable of reason entity who shares their existence with others built in a similar mold with similar thoughts, desires, and needs. One of these things, these obligations, makes its presence known at a drive-thru window.

The idea is simple. Once you have ordered your food at the window, it is your obligation to move your car as far forward as possible so that the person behind you has the opportunity to place his order. Once the car in front of you moves forward, you move forward again, the person who was just ordering moves up for the person behind them, and round and round the glorious wheel of human dignity spins. What you must never do, is to sit idle while the car ahead of you moves forward. This is a logistical nightmare, and only causes the wheel to slow down.

You may wish to rebuke this claim I make, by stating that "you would be waiting anyway since they are still ahead of you".

Untrue.

Let's assume that the average time, for an average order, is represented in minutes, I will call it X. That would mean, I am the only person in line, I order, and it takes X minutes for them to prepare my food, have me pay, and send me on my way. What the Drive-Thru Obligation does, is allow the person behind you to get their order in before you get your food. So while the first person gets their order in X minutes, the second person may get it in X + Y minutes. This is achieved by the restaurant working on more than one order at the same time, with Y being an indicator of the time the first person took at the order window with person 2 waiting behind them.

Why is this significant? I'll tell you why. The idle sitter (as mentioned above) delays the order of the car behind them (sometimes 2 or more cars behind), moving the whole process closer and closer to a rage-inducing one order at a time scenario, whereby the restaurant could be making my food ready, but has to wait for the jackass in front of me to pull forward so they can hear what I want. This changes the equation to include another variable, changing it from the X + Y scenario to a less defined X + Y + i, for the indefinite minutes involved (i stands for inconsiderate jackass). In essence, i is the designation of time wasted for the driver behind the idle sitter.

There are concessions that one makes at a drive-thru. When you pull up, you know the establishment (generally) and you know how long it takes them to get their food ready. Another concession you make is how many people are ahead of you. You may even make concessions regarding the size of the vehicle in front of you, and how it may make for an awkward sequence of patrons waiting for their food, or worse yet, that one of these giant cars may be ordering for a whole gangload of people you can't even see. You make these concessions because you know that all of these were conscious decisions by other people, not the result of a careless or unknowing person.

I realize that someone reading this blog might be one of these very idle sitters I am talking about and not realize it. They may not know the pain they cause people like myself, who see such things and whose thoughts alternate between the collapse of human society and taking a lead pipe to the headlights of the car in front of me. We don't actually do these things, of course, because that would be the same de-evolution (not sure if that is a word) of the human race as your carelessness. There are a million other things I would rather spend my time doing than wait for other people to get their food, so there is no reason any of us should wait any longer than necessary. I only have one promise / request for the lot of you...

We will move up for you, just pay it forward.

useless rules in the sky

How many lives do you think are saved each year by having the airlines make sure their passengers are seated in "an upright and locked position" during takeoff and landing? Based solely on how anal they are about enforcing it I would say thousands.
It’s bad enough they tell me that using my ipod might cause some kind of catastrophic electronic meltdown in the cockpit, which doesn’t exactly boost my confidence in aviation technology by the way, but what's so wrong with me putting my seat back and taking a nap when we take off? If the person behind me hits his head on the back of my seat because the pilot decides to be funny and slam on the breaks midway through building of speed for the take off, then that person should be reprimanded for not wearing his seat belt, and for being a moron.
And why the hell is it only during takeoff or landing? That's the annoying part. Did Steve Jobs program ipods to only send radar scrambling waves during takeoff and landing? If my seat is a deadly weapon, it should be kept up right and locked throughout the whole flight, not just when I’m trying to ignore your in-flight safety instructions.

why this page exists

Yes, I may be the type of person that some might refer to as being a bit opinionated. Yes, I may share those opinions, even when they aren't solicited or even welcome. And yes, I think the world would be a better place if I ran it and everything was done my way because I have enough sense and logic to do things like get rid of the designated hitter, nuclear weapons, astroturf, and the entire hulk hogan family.
But the real reason this page exists is to get my annoyingly persistent friends to shut the hell up about me blogging and let them realize this isn't going to be nearly as interesting for them to read as they think.

-Long live the doggies-